Not my finest day today...
Everyone finds someone better than me -- that just seems to be the way it goes.
I'm losing my best friend
I'm losing the fight with society
I'm losing the battle against myself
I'm losing the struggle of life.
I'm losing about everything right now.
This morning I woke up and the first thing i said to myself was "I just have to wait this out, I just have to get through the misery, I just have to make it to next year.."
Not the best thing to wake up thinking.
Its quite sad though, because I did in fact have a nice night. I kept dreaming of ways this boy I like would ask me out --
Which is part of why today was so bad.
I asked a friend to ask the guy who he liked. His response? "Who do you think I like?" So she said me (*facepalm*) and, well, she told me that he acted disgusted and said no.
Sorry that I disgust you. My bad. Let me change JUST for you, you little prick.
Sorry....I got angry for a second :)
I'm also loosing my 'best friend'.
I have been for a while, cause in this last year I've been getting SUPER annoyed at her (well, she does say some REALLY mean things to me a lot), and so we've been growing apart cause I'm trying to avoid her being mean,
but lately she's stopped sitting with us at lunch--she ditched us for some other people.
She hardly even talks to us after lunch. And by us, I mean the people I eat lunch with...that I'm barely friends with....
And she has a new best friend.
Like I said, everyone finds someone better than me.
Its getting really really annoying.
Its also making me SUPER mad, cause she told me, just a few months ago, about how she and one of her older friends weren't friends anymore...
Then today, in 3rd period one of my friends tells me that she (my 'best friend') got a new dress.
So I'm sitting there thinking "thats nice...I wonder why she didn't tell me..."
Then later, on the bus, my 'best friend' goes up to her old friend, that I mentioned a minute ago, and says "I got a new hat!" and her friend says "I know, you also got a dress thats dark blue".
So now at this point, I'm tired of her ignoring me, but I still dont say anything. I'm just sitting there thinking, "thanks....it wasn't bad enough when you completely excluded me from this information....but now I hear that you already told her....Thanks. No, really, thanks. You're saving me. I'm tired of you. This is just a turning point. You're not my best friend. You're just a bitch. Really. I'm seriously tired of you always criticizing me, then excluding me."
I also realized that I'm not her best friend. She probably hardly even thinks of me when she goes to tell all her friends something. I've been replaced.
So why should I continue to call you my best friend, when you're going to ignore me, forget me, and replace me?
Please, replace me. Then I wont have to deal with a burden called you anymore.
BLEEHH. BLEHH ON TODAY I TELL YOU.
It's just one of those days...where I REALLY need someone to write LOVE on my arms.
Because I need it.
Because I'm never good enough.
Because I'm on the verge of tears.
Because I'm weak.
Because I'm pathetic.
Because I don't know if I'm strong enough to stay safe on my own.
Because I need someone to help me.
Because I'm fairly sure I'm going to break my streak today.
Sorry.
xoxo
Everyone finds someone better than me -- that just seems to be the way it goes.
I'm losing my best friend
I'm losing the fight with society
I'm losing the battle against myself
I'm losing the struggle of life.
I'm losing about everything right now.
This morning I woke up and the first thing i said to myself was "I just have to wait this out, I just have to get through the misery, I just have to make it to next year.."
Not the best thing to wake up thinking.
Its quite sad though, because I did in fact have a nice night. I kept dreaming of ways this boy I like would ask me out --
Which is part of why today was so bad.
I asked a friend to ask the guy who he liked. His response? "Who do you think I like?" So she said me (*facepalm*) and, well, she told me that he acted disgusted and said no.
Sorry that I disgust you. My bad. Let me change JUST for you, you little prick.
Sorry....I got angry for a second :)
I'm also loosing my 'best friend'.
I have been for a while, cause in this last year I've been getting SUPER annoyed at her (well, she does say some REALLY mean things to me a lot), and so we've been growing apart cause I'm trying to avoid her being mean,
but lately she's stopped sitting with us at lunch--she ditched us for some other people.
She hardly even talks to us after lunch. And by us, I mean the people I eat lunch with...that I'm barely friends with....
And she has a new best friend.
Like I said, everyone finds someone better than me.
Its getting really really annoying.
Its also making me SUPER mad, cause she told me, just a few months ago, about how she and one of her older friends weren't friends anymore...
Then today, in 3rd period one of my friends tells me that she (my 'best friend') got a new dress.
So I'm sitting there thinking "thats nice...I wonder why she didn't tell me..."
Then later, on the bus, my 'best friend' goes up to her old friend, that I mentioned a minute ago, and says "I got a new hat!" and her friend says "I know, you also got a dress thats dark blue".
So now at this point, I'm tired of her ignoring me, but I still dont say anything. I'm just sitting there thinking, "thanks....it wasn't bad enough when you completely excluded me from this information....but now I hear that you already told her....Thanks. No, really, thanks. You're saving me. I'm tired of you. This is just a turning point. You're not my best friend. You're just a bitch. Really. I'm seriously tired of you always criticizing me, then excluding me."
I also realized that I'm not her best friend. She probably hardly even thinks of me when she goes to tell all her friends something. I've been replaced.
So why should I continue to call you my best friend, when you're going to ignore me, forget me, and replace me?
Please, replace me. Then I wont have to deal with a burden called you anymore.
BLEEHH. BLEHH ON TODAY I TELL YOU.
It's just one of those days...where I REALLY need someone to write LOVE on my arms.
Because I need it.
Because I'm never good enough.
Because I'm on the verge of tears.
Because I'm weak.
Because I'm pathetic.
Because I don't know if I'm strong enough to stay safe on my own.
Because I need someone to help me.
Because I'm fairly sure I'm going to break my streak today.
Sorry.
xoxo
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