I deleted my Facebook:)

Day 21 :)

Day 21: A picture of something that makes you happy:


Oh gosh, if I could, I would put up a picture of the guy I like...But Music is another substitute :)

I really don't know what else I could put for something that makes me happy, aside from that one guy I like, cause he's really funny, and makes me happy and feel good (too bad he doesnt like me, almost positively) :)

Summer plans & beyond

Summer plans:

Alright, so as I may have said previously, this summer is one of major change for me.

So, what exactly am I changing, and how?

Well, I will tell you, but I cant say that I know it will work, cause, obviously, I haven't done this before.

Main summer Goal: 

To use all the camps I'm enrolled in to my advantage. All the camps I'm going to, I don't think I know hardly anyone, so I am hoping I can use these to:

Become more outgoing

Become more comfortable being around boys/guys

Learn how to make friends easier (kind of going along with the outgoing thing)

Learn how to "fake it till you make it"

Plans to achieve my main goal:

I am going to TC again, which is something I went to last, year,

but this time, I'm going a month earlier than when everyone else from my last group is going,

so I won't know anyone there,, except maybe one or two kids who are going that month I think,

So what I'm going to do, is, well last time, I hung out with my roommates at first, until I met my friend Sydney who started talking to me, then I just stuck with her (btw, TC is where I met my ex bf), and so this time, I'm hoping I can be super duper outgoing, get along with everyone, and NOT be that awkward girl sitting in the corner.

I am going to a YMCA summer camp in our major town (which will remain unnamed :) , where I won't know anyone there, so I plan on being one of those outgoing people (NOT obnoxious!)

I'm going to a 2 week long camp, where no one knows me. 

I think you can figure out my plan, its pretty repetitive :)

My (not main) Hopeful Goal for this summer:

That I can use this opportunity to start working out more. I will start running on the treadmill, hopefully regularly, and achieve running a mile in less than 12 minutes, and hopefully lost a number of pounds this summer--the healthy way.

Another Hopeful Goal for this summer:

Begin eating healthier food. 

I'm always eating bad food, such as right now I'm eating Nerds, and usually eat things like ravioli, pizza bagels, pizza, ect. for dinner....or any other time :) 

Another Hopeful Goal for something to achieve this summer:

When I go "back to school shopping" to actually get cute stuff. 

I have like, the worst outfits ever, I never find cute backpacks, and I always look like bleh. :)

School Plans:

Main School plan:

Starting over--being someone I want to be, though who I want to be may not be the best.

Who I want to be:

I want to be that girl that get called pretty

I want to be that girl that is called up to hang out

I want to be that girl that is invited to things

I want to be that girl that has alot of guy friends

I want to be that girl that is always happy

I want to be that girl that other girls are jealous of

I want to be that girl that has friends in every grade above her

I want to be that girl others follow

I want to be that girl that the unpopular girls call a slut, because she's pretty

I want to be that girl guys wish they could have

I want to be that girl that has a loyal, long-term boyfriend

I want to be that girl thats phone blows up, without having to send the first message

I want to be that girl that is thought of first, not last

I want to be that girl that is nice to everyone

I want to be that girl that is pretty

I want to be that girl that has a lot of friends

I want to be that girl other girls try to look like

I want to be that girl thats a role model

I want to be that girl

I don't really have a plan for how to do this, it all depends on how this summer goes....If it can truely

Fake it till I make it 

Day 19 :)

Day 19: another picture of yourself:


I don't feel like doing that.....TO DAY 20!

Day 20: The meaning behind your blog name


Muahahaha.
Okay, so this blog started all because of Sixbillionsecrets.com,
I saw an ad for a girl, SomeGirl, 's formspring, and I decided to go there.
I loved what she did, so I decided to make an advice formspring, where the URL name is SimplyFixed, and the username thing is Drawing Butterflies ( I already have an explanation about that one on my formspring somewhere)
Also, I loved HER blog, So I decided to make one (sounds completely like a copycat, but I'm really not TRYING to be...)
And I decided that I wanted this one to be called something about Writing LOVE on arms, in honor of the TWLOHA foundation, which I strongly support.
I used the URL name on this blog, "foreverwritinglove" because I wanted it to be just writing love, but that one was taken.
I decided to call the blog Writing Love because, I'd write LOVE on anyone's arms, and I want people to know that <3

Day 17 :)

Day 17: A picture of you and your family:


Ha, no. Sorry. Skip!

Day 18: Something you crave alot:


Mmmmmm :)

French fries,
Pizza,
Ice Cream
&&
macaroni and cheese :) (my mom hardly lets us get it ever, so I end up craving it alot, especially when I'm sick)

CRAP NOW I WANT FRENCH FRIES :O

Bad Day....

Bad Day....(which I seem to be having alot of lately :/ )

Started off with...having to run the timed mile :O
I absolutely suck at running, and can barely run more than a mile in half an hour, so I wasn't too happy about having to run....for a 2nd time this week...
I got 12:57....which is actually a record for me :O

Pretty sad, but last time I got like 13:15 or something. O.o

Anyway, from there it mostly went on mostly about my "best friend" whos really been pissing me off lately.

School wasn't actually THAT bad today, except 7th period.... that was weird.

So, I ended up having a break down a few days ago, and no one noticed my legs/ankles in gym.....since, like, monday. Either no one has seen them, or cares to ask/be worried. That is, until math class.

In math, I sit across the aisle from the guy I like......we flirt, but no one knows who he likes. Anyway, we were sitting there in class, and the bottoms of my pants came up a little too high over my ankle, and so he goes "*******, what happened to your ankle?"

For a moment, I panicked, It was the perfect oportunity to tell him, and ask for help (even though telling him in the middle of class wouldn't have been the best idea...)

But I panicked, and said "My cat."
He joked it off saying "see, this is why I hate cats. They're vicious"

I just wish I could tell him the truth. But it would scare him away, most likely. Not that he likes me or anything, but I can always hope....


Then, I go to rifle class (Don't ask) with my "best friend", and we're sorta having fun, goofin off, ect.
Until the car ride back.
I said something about her forgetting to unload the gun after she shot, and she started defending herself, like usual, but what she was saying didn't make sense to me, so I was trying to clarify what she was saying, but she just kept yelling at me. I stayed calm the whole time.
Also, when I told her that I was just trying to figure out what she meant, she started mumbling under her breath "god, your're so stupid. oh my god" and stuff like that.
Thanks, as if my day was great enough with out you calling me stupid, like I already, always feel.
(I say this because in math earlier that day I made a stupid mistake on my calculator, I only but 1800 instead of 18000 so it screwed up my answer and people kept yelling at me the whole time we were doing this problems, defending their answer, stealing my answer, and the kid sitting next to me kept getting angry cause he stole my answer and was mad when it was wrong. I seriously almost started to cry because so many people were like "ha!" and so on and so fourth, so thats another reason why I'm having a crappy day :/ )

jasldfjasldfkjasldkfj
^^ frustrated typing, sorry, I do that sometimes.

Thanks for reading, those of you who do.... : )

Something I realized...

This post might seem totally pointless to some people, but for me I feel like its important to mention this.

So, When I decided to give up on the 30 things to live for, an amazing girl commented on that post, telling me to just do it when I think of the things, instead of forcing myself to come up with 30 in a row.

So heres to you, I just realized, that you're one of the things I choose to live for. 


This girl is outstanding, she actually reads this blog (WOAH) <3 She emails me when I'm down (because she finds out that I'm down by reading this :) ), she comments on things, she inspires me. She gives me positive advice when I need it, even though she goes through her hard times.
I'd love to say I do the same with her blog, But I dont, unfortunately. I'd actually really love to say I did, but I'm more of a bloggER, not much for reading blogs. At this point, the only blog I really read is SomeGirl's, and only occastionally I even go on that.

Most of the time now, I spend on facebook, formspring, email, or blogging--3 of the which are ways you can contact me if you ever need help <3

Anyway, This girl is beautiful and amazing, and I thought I'd let her know that it means so much to me that she even takes the time to read this, and e-mail me when I need someone to talk to, even though we're in completely different time zones :)
(P.S. I'm sorry I haven't emailed you back, I keep getting distracted with stuff like this, but I read what you sent :) )


I'd also like to give, yet another, thanks to SomeGirl for simply inspiring me to make this and my FormSpring and for the fact that she probably know more about me than any of my friends just because I've gone to her so many times for help, even though half the time she didn't know it cause I was on anon :) If you want her advice, you can go to HER FormSpring and talk to her <3

I'd ALSO like to give out a thanks to my friend for helping me advertise my blog and FormSpring in the beginning <3 <3

Thank you so much, all of you <3 <3 

Day 16 :)

Day 16: Your celebrity crush:


 Owen Wilson
(I honestly don't know why since he's all old and stuff, but i find him attractive...:)

Taylor Lautner
(I'm not a big Twilight fan, but dude hes HOT)

Alex Pettyfer
(well...he's hot :)

Uhmm....All them Hot actors.... :)
(CAUSE THEIR HOT)

The lead singer of Parachute
(I don't know his name, But he has the MOST AMAZING blue eyes and, well, is hot!)

Everyone in Stereo Skyline
(<3)

Everyone in FOREVER THE SICKEST KIDS (aka FOREVER THE BEST BAND EVER!)
(AMAZING <3 )

Day 15 :)

Day 15: Something you don't leave your house without:


AHAHAHAHAHA


I always have my iPod, cell phone, and lip gloss (not to sound conceited or anything, I just carry it cause my mom refuses to buy me proper chapstick, and my lips get chapped alot)

I'm in loveeee with my iPod & cell phone...even tho my cells kinda crappy. :) <3

My poems!

Heres something I'm actually proud of :)

Recently in my English class, we had to write 6 poems, 1 was assigned, and the other 5 we could either choose to do 2 or all of them off of a prompt sheet, OR, just 2-3 of the poems from the prompt sheet (including the one assigned) and 3-4 of them free hand.

I chose to do 3 free hand, and 3 off the prompt, but I'm only going to share 4 of the 6 poems with you--only 1 of them is off the prompt.

Now, these I am very proud of, so I felt like I would share them with you :)

This first one is a bit silly, its the one off of the prompt, so...yeah its childish, but the other ones are amazing....in my opinion at least :)

The Fork

By: Writing Love

What is this-

This thing I see?

What in the universe could this stick be?

It’s silver, and shiny, and even smooth.

Why-is that a reflection?

Oh my, look at my complexion!

Do I really look so green?           Do I truly look so ill?           My gosh, and look at my bill!

But this object, this thing I hold,

It has a pronged head,

So and it doesn’t shed.

I’ve determined its non-living.

But really, what in the world would these humans use such a thing for?

Maybe it’s to help them sleep more?

Quick- here comes a human!

Perhaps I should ask what this thing is,

Oh look, her name tag says her name is Liz.

Liz?

“Yes?” the human replied.

“I have a favor to ask, if you would oblige.”

When I showed the human and asked, she laughed at me!

She said, “oh you big dork!

That is simply a fork!”

My personal fav:

This Next Year

By: Writing Love

The hustle,

The bustle,

It’s what everyone is looking forward to.

What about me?

How about you?

Meet and greet,

That’s how it goes.

See their face, remember the names.

Try to find the boys who don’t play games.

The teachers call on you the very first day.

How are you supposed to know what to say?

You hope that since you’re new you’ll get off easy,

But it’s not that simple.

Some people, they’ll be kind.

But there are others that aren’t.

That’s just the way it goes.

We all hope for a new start-

New friends,

The opportunity

To be who YOU are,

Not who they want.

But the real trick is,

Will we let ourselves be?

We all want to be part of the ‘in crowd’,

Weather we say so or not.

We change who we are to please them.

But none of us knows how much they hide,

Behind a smile and a laugh.

They could be just like you.

This next year is a battle

And I intend to win it.

Meeting New People

By: Writing Love

Take a deep breath,

Calm down.

They don’t know who you are,

They haven’t been able to judge you yet.

Smile,

Say hello.

Tell them you’re name,

And ask for theirs.

Look confident,

Even if you’re not.

‘Fake it till you make it’,

They say.

Don’t adjust your attitude to theirs,

Be sure to be yourself this time.

This is your last chance,

Before you absolutely need this skill.

Calm your heart,

It’s beating too fast.

Smile,

Compliment them.

Just stand tall,

Even if you don’t think they like you.

Just stay confident,

And they will look up to you.

Just act like a leader,

And they will follow you.

You just have to act confident,

Until you really are.

<3

Mask

By: Writing Love 

Close your eyes,

Take a deep breath,

And take a step back.

Look at your life,

From how others see it.

Who do they see you as?

Do they see you as you?

Or someone you want them to see?

You’re beautiful,

So why not let them see you?

There is someone out there

That will find you astounding at first sight.

But they might not recognize your beauty,

When you hide behind your mask.

Yes,

Some will judge,

But that just means that

They’re jealous that you can be yourself,

While they can’t.

Take off the mask,

Remove your make-up,

Let yourself be free.

Because everyone is

Really, truly beautiful,

When seen in the right eyes.

Live loud, stand tall, love all <3 

~there is always a shining sun behind every broken cloud <3

Suicide Prevention Day

Today, Friday, April 25th, is suicide prevention/recognition day.

What most people do for this day, is draw a heart on the inside of their wrist-- here's mine ;) <3

(sorry that its small)

R.I.P all those who took their own lifes-

Weather it was from bullying, unaccepted gays, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, ect.

You will all be forever missed and loved, and live on in our hearts <3 

Stay safe, stay strong, stay you, stay beautiful <3

You are loved

Day 14 (because I had to skip 11 & 12)

Day 14: A Tv show you're currently addicted to:


Well, since I'm a TV ADDICT, I have many :)

1.) BONES!! <3

2.) Law & Order: Criminal Intent

3.) Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

4.) Degrassi :)

5.) CSI (Crime Scene Investigation)

Bleh bleh bleh.

Not my finest day today...

Everyone finds someone better than me -- that just seems to be the way it goes.

I'm losing my best friend
I'm losing the fight with society
I'm losing the battle against myself
I'm losing the struggle of life.
I'm losing about everything right now.

This morning I woke up and the first thing i said to myself was "I just have to wait this out, I just have to get through the misery, I just have to make it to next year.."

Not the best thing to wake up thinking.

Its quite sad though, because I did in fact have a nice night. I kept dreaming of ways this boy I like would ask me out --
Which is part of why today was so bad.

I asked a friend to ask the guy who he liked. His response? "Who do you think I like?" So she said me (*facepalm*) and, well, she told me that he acted disgusted and said no.
Sorry that I disgust you. My bad. Let me change JUST for you, you little prick.
Sorry....I got angry for a second :)

I'm also loosing my 'best friend'.
I have been for a while, cause in this last year I've been getting SUPER annoyed at her (well, she does say some REALLY mean things to me a lot), and so we've been growing apart cause I'm trying to avoid her being mean,
but lately she's stopped sitting with us at lunch--she ditched us for some other people.
She hardly even talks to us after lunch. And by us, I mean the people I eat lunch with...that I'm barely friends with....
And she has a new best friend.
Like I said, everyone finds someone better than me.
Its getting really really annoying.

Its also making me SUPER mad, cause she told me, just a few months ago, about how she and one of her older friends weren't friends anymore...
Then today, in 3rd period one of my friends tells me that she (my 'best friend') got a new dress.
So I'm sitting there thinking "thats nice...I wonder why she didn't tell me..."
Then later, on the bus, my 'best friend' goes up to her old friend, that I mentioned a minute ago, and says "I got a new hat!" and her friend says "I know, you also got a dress thats dark blue".
So now at this point, I'm tired of her ignoring me, but I still dont say anything. I'm just sitting there thinking, "thanks....it wasn't bad enough when you completely excluded me from this information....but now I hear that you already told her....Thanks. No, really, thanks. You're saving me. I'm tired of you. This is just a turning point. You're not my best friend. You're just a bitch. Really. I'm seriously tired of you always criticizing me, then excluding me."
I also realized that I'm not her best friend. She probably hardly even thinks of me when she goes to tell all her friends something. I've been replaced.
So why should I continue to call you my best friend, when you're going to ignore me, forget me, and replace me?
Please, replace me. Then I wont have to deal with a burden called you anymore.

BLEEHH. BLEHH ON TODAY I TELL YOU.
It's just one of those days...where I REALLY need someone to write LOVE on my arms.
Because I need it.
Because I'm never good enough.
Because I'm on the verge of tears.
Because I'm weak.
Because I'm pathetic.
Because I don't know if I'm strong enough to stay safe on my own.
Because I need someone to help me.
Because I'm fairly sure I'm going to break my streak today.

Sorry.

xoxo

Day 11 :)

Day 11: What's in your make-up bag?


Well, Uh, I don't have a make-up bag, AND don't wear make-up...So I'm going to skip day 11 and go to day 12:

Day 12: A photograph of the town you live in.


Well, gosh, Looks like I gotta skip another one and go to day 13....

Day 13: Your favorite musician and why:


HEY I can do this one :)

So, I have severalll :)

1.) Forever the Sickest Kids:

(King for a Day - FTSK )
I love this band, well cause I like the sound. I love this song cause I will always dream a boy will play it for me <3

2.) Stereo Skyline:

(Tongue Tied -Stereo Skyline )
I like the sound of the band, and I like this song cause, well, I have people that keep me tongue tied ;)

3.) Avril Lavigne:

(Darlin - Avril Lavigne )
First, I've loved Avril since I was a little kid, and I love her sound. I love this song because it is so true and its just kind of one of those song thats meant to make people feel better :)

4.) Superchick:

(Stand in the Rain - Superchick )
I love Superchick because all of her music is intended to inpower women, self-confidence, ect. Thing song is amazing because it expresses so much that is true about me, and many many other people.

5.) P!nk:

(F**kin Perfect - P!nk )
I like P!nks music for the most part, a few songs I dont, but this song is AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING completely utterly amazing <3

THOSE. are my favorite artists :) <3


~There is ALWAYS a SHINING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3
L-O-V-E

Day 10 :)

I should be doing a "Day 11 I choose to live for...." but I really can't think of anymore so....Yeah...:P I quit. 


Day 10: A photo of your favorite place to eat:


OH GOSH.
I don't know.....
I guess.....

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3

L-O-V-E

Soo....I was gonna...

Soooo....I was gonna post a few screen shots--well not a few, a bunch-- of my secrets that I've posted on 6 billion (cause I get the permalinks whenever I can), but then I realized....

"There are people who I have go to my blog, that I wouldn't want to know my secrets. People that I know in person..."

BUT, there are a few things that I really just feel like I need to talk about right now...and I have no one to talk to. :/

If anyone would care to see all my secrets, please feel free to comment, or inbox me on my formspring and I can email you...OR you can just directly email me--either with that link I just gave you, or you can just send it to once.broken.now.fixed@gmail.com and ask, and I'd be more than willing to share with you my secrets...and I'd loveee someone to talk to right now <3 <3

p.s. to those of you who I ask to come here/know me in person....please respect my choices and Please please please do not anon me on formspring and ask for it....Please I would be so grateful to you for respecting my secrets. <3 <3

Thanks <3

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3
L-O-V-E

Yes, another post I'm going to call "Todayyy"

Today....


School field trip, sorta. You'd think "fun" right?

No, not really. Not when people hate you. Both rides there I was like, the only person that was "1-to-a-seat" not sitting with my "friends". I tried. But they didn't want to sit with me.
The whole time during the field trip, my 'friends' kept ditching me. My 'buddie' left me for a kid a year younger, My 'best friend' left me for a girl that we got in a fight with, she told her that she didn't they could ever be friends again, so I tried sticking up for her and ended up getting her more mad at me, and she spent like, the whole time with her and her other friend that probably hates me.
My other two friends kept running off together, and when I could be with them one of them was with her boyfriend, the guy I used to like, so I cant be around her when she's with him. I just can't stand it.
Then, on top of that I am not good at walking for a long time, so I got tired, angry, and moody fast.
ALSO, on the bus back, my friend (w/the bf) was sitting by me, and her friend behind us. At first her friend was like "come sit with me!" and she said "no, I'm sitting with *******!" Then like, 2 minutes later she moves and sits with her.
Bleehhh.
ON TOP OF ALL THAT, my friends boyfriend, who I used to-and only do a little still-like, didn't have a ride home, and I was the only person on the trip that lives on his road, so I had to give him a ride home...well my mom had to drive him anyway.....And it was sooo awkward. He and my mom had a nice long chat.....And of course, the first thing my mom says to him is "I've heard so much about you..." Geeze mom....He's not my boyfriend, and thats what moms say to their daughters BOYFRIENDS not guy friends.....I got to see his house, and meet his dad, briefly...AWKWARD.  And then, when we're on the way home from dropping him off, my mom says to me "Your face is still bright pink"....GRR...I only like him a LITTLE.
At this point, I mostly like this kid that I'm going to school with next year and have hardly talked to...and a kid thats always flirting with me....but probably doesn't like me :/ Whateverrr.
Blehhh. Just kinda a bleh day. No one likes me :/ whaateverrr.
Just kind of  a bad day.....

Any ideas to cheer me up? :)

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3
Write L-O-V-E on my arms please?

Day 9 :)

Day 10: I choose to live for.... ugh I don't know anymore. I just wona say "I give up". :P I'm keeping the blog going...thats good enough for me. Urggg.

Day 9: A photo of the last item you purchased

Well, technically The last thing I purchased was 4 hats for my friends that are going to pay me back, at a College campus. I don't have any pictures of the hats though. The hats were hand-made by mothers in Africa, I think, and most of the money raised from buying the hats went to give the mothers food, supplies, and water/ect. 

Then, the thing before that that was the last thing I bought was....candy out of a vending machine :) 

But the hats look something like this:

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3

L-O-V-E

Todayyyy

So today...is an odd day.

Today I'm going to my first rifle class with my friend.....
Yippee!

Also URG.
I looked over to find a girl standing by a guy that I'm almost positive likes me, and shes pointing at me so I was confused.
So later I ask her whys he was pointing at me, and she says she was asking who he liked and pointing at people--She said he didn't respond to if it was me.
Buttt heres where the urg comes in....
We were at an assembly, and he was sitting next to be to begin with.
The, the row above us ended up moving over to the side, so he moved up.

Secretly, although I'd never tell anyone, I was wishing he would slip his hand into mine.

But whattteverrrr

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3
L-O-V-E

Day 8 :)

Day 9: I choose to live for.....Oh gosh. This is getting hard.....I don't know.....for that day that the guy I like will sit next to me in class, or whatnot, and slip his hand into mine...? :)

Day 8: A song to match your mood:

Well, to start, two of my favorite songs :) 

The first one is Runaway by Avril Lavigne,

and then Smile by Avril.

I wouldn't exactly say that it matches my mood, but I dont exactly know what my mood is at the moment.......

Cause I'm watching a movie.....so...I dont really have a 'mood' at the moment...

So these are too songs I absolutely love because these are what I play when I'm home alone and dancing like a freak.

You should also check out Darling by Avril, and Everybody Hurts by Avril <3

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3

L-O-V-E

Day 7 :)

Day 8: I choose to live for....Music <3 <3 -- no explanation needed <3 <3

Day 7: your dream wedding

Oh goshhhhh This is a hard one...

I've gone through alot of thoughts on what I'd like.....

I honestly don't know anymore.....

Probably something small??

Hopefully/probably not in a church, I'm not a church person. If it is in a church, I can only hope it'd be the Unitarian Church.

I really like this dress, 

Cause, ya know, I have a ruffle dress addiction :)

But also, wedding wise, I like this type of bottom of a dress...

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3

Day 6:) (A day late, as promised :)

Day 7: I choose to live for...My pets <3 <3 I love my kitttyyy sooo soo much :D She knows so much about me <3

Day 6: a photo of an animal you'd love to keep as a pet:

I absolutely LOVE White tiger Cubs <3 <3

Tehehe <3 <3

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3

Sorry!

Hey, sorry to anyone who's reading this...
I don't have time today to post a real post,
I'm swamped with homework, and helping someone <3

Soooo I'll post my day whatever-im-on-now tomorrow, and tomorrow tomorrow.

Sorry! Thanks for your time ! <3


~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3

Day 5:)

Day 6: I choose to live for....I should probably say family about now. Sure, sometimes we fight, but I also get really annoyed at them sometimes, while others, sure, i do love them sometimes. They're family....I have to....

Day 5: A photo of yourself two years ago

Well, I couldn't really find any from exactly 2 years ago...So I just sort of chose one from at least 1 year ago....almost 2 maybe?

I have a major headache D:<


~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3

Day 4 :)

Day 5: I choose to live for.....school. Totally sounds lame....But I actually pretty much love school. Maybe not the one I'm at now, but I do love it. One night, I was upset...and I was thinking.....And I just basically broke out crying completely when I thought of how upset my favorite teacher would be if she saw my empty seat. I would never ever want to do that to her -- considering she cries when she accidentally hits a girl on the head in basketball :)

Day 4: Your favorite photograph of your best friend.


Well, I don't want any of my best friends to feel excluded....so.....

I hate to block out her eyes, cause this picture of her is absolutely beautiful <3

This looks REALLY creepy, but she loves halloween so I used black and orange >.<

Yeahhh I'm the cool cat that died her hair :) (but it's gone now :( )

All of these are starting to look creepy!!! So pretty :)

Love my friends <3

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3

Day 3 (a Day late)

Day 4: I choose to live for....my friends. I actually realize now that I can help them so much. I have 2 friends who I have talked out of hating their lives, one day at a time :) 

Day 3: your idea of the perfect first date:

Well....I've only been on 1 read date....and I thought it was pretty perfect. 

I'm not really into the big ordeal, just something fun with my date-a movie, hanging out at the mall (if we're good friends...if its someone I haven't talked to much a movie is better), ect.

Not much eating though...I dont like eating in front of people. :)

I like to think this would be a good theme song for a date ;) :

Alternatives :)

Drawing on yourself before a shower when your upset <3
Here's mine :) <3
Already feeling better, before even washing it off

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3

Today.....

I'm pretty happy right now.
I just found out that at a camp I'm going to for 2 weeks at the end of the summer,
I'm the only girl thats going to be there.

Now, MOST girls would be like "....awkward....." but now me :)
ME, I'm like "PERFECT. OPPORTUNITY. :D"

Why is this the perfect opportunity, you may ask?

Well, because I do not have the best social skills at all....
And I'm even worse at making friends with guys.
I have one friend thats a guy, and we aren't that close anymore (the one that is dating one of my friends....that I used to like)

Soooooo I'm thinking that going to this camp, I HAVE to socialize with these boys...for 2 weeks.
And become friends with them.
Which, in turn, will help me become friends with more guys next year, when I start over.

Also, I hardly have ANY free time this summer, cause I'm going to like, 10 million camp things, without anyone I know all summer, except one person.

So,  I would have said that over-all it's been a pretty good day......

(just an FYI, this took about 4 hours to type because I kept getting distracted, so thats why the mood change)

But I just got in a fight with my mom.

Grrrrrrrrr....................


There are these days, where I always just want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep, or cry.
I think these are one of them.
I'm pretty sure that I'm taking a shower tonight, AFTER I write everything on my body, to wash it off.
I also feel bad for one of my friends, cause I'm texting her, but I'm being a total bore because I'm angry and so I'm giving short responses.....It's not her fault. I'm sorry M.

Anyway....In all reality, I hate who I am.
I am mean.
I am a hypocrite.
I scream.
I yell.
I hate.
I ignore.
I do all these wrong things,

And all the while I'm thinking to myself
"Why....Why am I doing this? I hate being like this. I hate yelling and fighting with my mom. I hate it so much. But it's like I can't even stop myself, I just hope I can change. I feel like I won't be taken seriously if I let anyone see a soft side of me. Why can't I just stop? Why can't I be polite? Why can't I love my mom like a normal teenager? I mean...I know I do....But if I show weakness, than she won't take me seriously."

I hate who I've become. I don't know why I act this way.

Probably my biggest hope for starting new, for doing all these camps and coming back from these overnight camps, is that I can come home a better daughter. I'm awful. I'm beyond a handful, I'm a whole bucketful.

I'm sorry mom.
I do love you.
I just don't know how to tell you.

~There is ALWAYS a SHINNING SUN behind every BROKEN CLOUD <3