Home.

So, I have an alright home life.
I just realized though..

I'm that girl, thats always laughing, cracking jokes, being a perv (oh yeah, thats me), and randomly sitting on the floor--basically doing whatever I want.

But then I get home. I don't know what it is. Anytime I'm alone when I'm home..I'm not the same.
I just looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. Not even because of how I looked this time.

I just looked so sad, it made me want to cry (I actually am starting to now)
I don't know why I'm so unhappy at home. I'm just like...emotionless. I don't show anything, at most I smile, pathetically. When I'm around my family, I'm fine.
But when I look in the mirror when I'm alone, I just see a sad, broken girl, who believes that no one will ever try to fix her, no one will ever try to catch her on her way down. I see a girl who doesn't know what to do, or where, (If) she's going in life. I see a girl who can rarely see herself as pretty, I see a girl who is constantly turned down, rejected, and spat on. I see a girl who believes she will never be asked to dance, who will never receive flowers from someone, and who is ready to give up on love completely. I see a girl who wants to leave, I see a girl who wants to go to sleep and wake up in 4 years, when things will hopefully be better. I see a girl who cant stand the way she looks, who cant stand her hair, her eyes, her imperfections. I see a girl who hates that she gives out advice that she can't even follow, a girl who wishes she could get a compliment. A girl who wishes that just once, she wouldn't be scared to "like" one of those stupid "truth is" things on facebook, that wishes that when she gets the nerve TO do that, she could maybe get called pretty, for once. That she could get called something more than "nice" or "funny". I see a girl who wishes that her friends would ask her whats wrong. A girl who wishes he would ask her if she's okay, and that she could reply truthfully. A girl that wished music could actually fix everything. A girl who wishes that she COULD be anorexic, when she's tried and failed so many times. Then on the other hand, the girl that wishes she could stop trying to be anorexic, and just live with it.
I see a girl with sad eyes when I look in the mirror.
I see a girl with a sad face when I look in the mirror.
I see a girl who wishes to be fixed, but knows no one ever will do that for her.

I see a girl who wants her father back.
I see a girl who wishes she'll get married.
I see a girl who wants just one person to care.
I see a girl who just needs a meaningful hug, a REALLY meaningful hug, from a boy.

I see a girl who needs emotion.
I see a girl who needs help.



I feel better now, actually. I just, looked in the mirror and realized how sad I look, and just sort of...needed to let it out.